I'm usually an upbeat, happy person, so I've been perplexed these past few days by a feeling of free-floating depression. Everything in my life is great, so why am I feeling physically lethargic, mentally fuzzy and sad?
As I pondered this situation, I realized that this is the time of year when my mother died. Eight years ago, on Sept. 27, the loving, wonderful woman who had always been my rock, let go and moved on. She was 91 years old, had lived a good life and was ready. But I wasn't, and still am not. I've gone on with my life, but not a day passes when I don't think of something I forgot to ask her, wish we could laugh together or I could receive her wise counsel on a troubling matter.
Even though I miss her every day, I'm usually able to enjoy my life and function just fine. However, each year around this time my subconscious reminds my body that it's a time of grief, and I feel "down" for a week or so.
Once I identify what's going on, I can relax, be gentle with myself, and get on with things. Still, it's disconcerting until I remember that I'm reliving my grief over having an empty space where my mother should be. What always amazes me is that my subconscious and body remember, even when my conscious mind is focused elsewhere.
So this month I'm reflecting on my mother, and all the people who were physically in my life and are now in my heart. I'm also reflecting on how incredible the human mind/body connection is, and how grateful I am that they help remind me of the important stuff.
How about you?
